A Ramble in Limbo

I've been sitting at home today just sort of waiting and panicking a little bit because of all the things I SHOULD be doing but am NOT doing to prepare for this baby. For one, my lower back hurts so much that it is actually rather painful to do anything that requires bending. That eliminates 98% of what I can comfortably do. It's not a good excuse, but there it is. I haven't finished packing a hospital back. I haven't finished cleaning the house in preparation for my mother's arrival on Saturday. Hell, it took me two days just to fold two baskets of laundry!

Other things I haven't done? Haven't read a book about raising a baby. Haven't finished that book on breastfeeding. Haven't been practicing my pain-management techniques like I should be. Haven't even picked up the novel I'm reading in two days. Know why? Every time I pick up a book I just fall asleep. Believe it or not, I'm not sleeping all that well at night anymore, so I have to take naps. I hate napping. It feels like a huge waste of time, but at some point I just have to give in.

Odd as it sounds, I miss work. I miss feeling useful. I miss helping people. I miss the social interaction I have with my coworkers. I know I'm looking at it through rose-colored glasses just because I am so damn bored at home, and because everyone--coworkers and patrons alike--has been so amazingly kind to me during this pregnancy, but man. I already miss it and I've been gone less than a week.

Things I've been good at doing? I've been VERY good at ordering a lot of things last minute on Amazon. Nursing bras, baby nail clippers, a diaper pail, a baby bath... oh, and a couple new toys for the dogs. Online shopping is easy. That's something I can do from my home office: The couch.

I'm trying to get out and about. I really am. I was good about getting out of the house earlier this week. But it is over 110* every day, and I just don't feel like facing that. I have walked the dogs three times this week in 90* heat at 7:45 am. It's about all I can handle. I managed to work more on the Hobbes toy I am making while listening to NPR podcasts, so today wasn't a total loss.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm mentally not quite ready for this baby, but I'm also tired of waiting.

Stats:

Gestation: 39weeks, 4 days
Due: Sunday
Size: Big enough
Gender: Boy
Signs of labor: Negative. Well there is one...it's a little TMI. Let's just say that I am not constipated.
Other Symptoms: lower back pain. Fetal punches and kicks to various organs.

The Home Stretch

I hit 37 weeks yesterday, and the reality of childbirth and impending motherhood is starting to sink in. I grabbed a book on breastfeeding off the shelf at the library and then--what the heck--grabbed two more. Intellectually, I know the basics, but it dawned on me that i could stand to study up a little more. I'm also worried I haven't been practicing my breathing/ relaxation techniques enough. I have been doing stretches religiously, so there is that at least. I can still cut my own toenails even though my belly has suddenly gotten huge, and my pelvis aches a bit when I walk. I find myself taking at least one or two naps a day on my days off, and I have to fight the urge every day at work. At my appointment with my midwife today they gave me my records to take over to the nurses when I go to labor and delivery. My midwife talked about when it was time to go to the hospital, and to not worry about timing contractions until it was difficult to do anything through them. I tested negative for Group B Strep (so no antibiotics during labor, yay!) and my blood pressure is still nice and low, so everything is looking up for a good, old-fashioned delivery.

Basically, I could have this baby in a month, or I could have him tomorrow. I have to be prepared for either scenario. I'm not. I'm prepared to have him when he is due and not too much earlier or later than that.

I get tired very quickly these days. I've accepted that and just ask T to do what I cannot. He is a rock.