I almost just posted an impassioned entry about how I’m tired of people’s reactions to Travis’s and my, hmm, public affection... But I’ll trade in eloquence for terseness and just say that I’m tired of feeling like it annoys people. I’m tired of people turning their heads away in embarrassment or disgust (I can’t tell which) even when I just lean in to touch my forehead to his or kiss his cheek.
Keeping in physical contact (not overly so, of course) is an important way for me to communicate with him even when I’m not talking directly to him—especially as I’ve been inducting the new entity of us into my HUGE and rather tight-knit groups of friends and family.
Is that so wrong? So inappropriate?
Thoughts?
17 comments:
I've never thought one negative thought about the way you and Travis are together. Honest.
I've thought a lot of positive things, though.
I think this is a time in your lives when you might feel rather conspicuous and be sensitive to negative feelings of self-consciousness. I don't know if there's any help for it, but it will pass. I say, go forward. Hug, kiss, smile, hold hands, rest your head on his shoulder! And enjoy this totally unique and special time in your lives.
That's good to know, Mand.
I think that you two are entirely appropriate. I like seeing you two happy.
Pear, when Martell and I were dating and engaged we were fairly reserved in public. My mom even told me once that she was concerned about how reserved we were because she thought maybe it meant we weren't reserved at all when people weren't around. (You can't win at this point, I guess. sigh.) We were simply self-conscious, like Amanda said.
I think at this point in your relationship it's quite obvious this is a big deal and a lot of people might sort of peep to see what they think of your relationship now that they also know it's a big deal. But the fact is that soon people will stop peeping and until they do, it doesn't really matter what they think. It is up to you to determine what you feel is appropriate and I imagine that you have a fair grasp of what is and isn't appropriate.
Also, once you've been married for a while people don't care if you smooch in front of them. You're old news then so there's nothing fun to see. :D So just wait it out and soon the self-consciousness will fade along with people's curiosity.
It is also possible that people don't like being reminded of what they don't have.
I know, Daniel. I know. And I am extremely sympathetic. And while obviously I haven't been in anyone's shoes but my own, I HAVE been on the other side of this before, in my own way.
However, it would be disingenuous of me if I became distant toward him in public. At some point, like Katie said, self-consciousness has GOT to stop. Or you end up writing posts like this in order to figure things out. :) Through the rose-colored haze of my happiness believe me when I say I am fully aware that my current situation might be throwing others' disappointments into high relief. Is the only solution to this to just...not hang out with my single friends?
That would be disingenuous of me too.
Life is always asking us to either adapt or perish, I think.
No, certainly the solution is not to stop hanging out with single friends. I think the "solution" is simply to accept that some people are going to be uncomfortable with seeing your non-verbal communication. It doesn't mean you and Travis have to stop, nor does it mean that others have to start watching you with impassioned interest. ;) Nay, the solution is simply to recognize that some will find public affection uncomfortable; those people adapt the best they can: by turning away.
A solution does not require a change in behavior, just a decision to accept.
Ah phooey with hoity toity remarks - here's the real beef: God made man and woman to be together and to support one another - to be close enough that it warranted taking one of Adam's rib. Everyone wants that. If they seem self concious or look away it is because society has come up with some dumb idea of what a relationship should look like. If it is appropriate before God, then it can only strengthen that most important relationship that you have now, that with Travis. You have chosen him as your eternal companion - from here on out all other distractions can't deter from that choice. God first. Travis second. The rest of the world's ideas or discomfort - dead last!
This whole weirdness of PDA started in junior high, remember? Back when everyone had to make everyone feel uncomfortable. Before that we all loved hugs and cuddles and seeing our parents being affectionate. If you weren't jaded with cooties in kindergarten than being engaged can be bliss.
Once, when Alan and I were in the temple, he looked at me while walking across the room, and the woman sitting next to me said, "I can tell that boy loves you just by the way he looks at you."
I don't think that it is bad for people to know that you are in love. Good love, pure love, is something to aspire to and hope for.
So perhaps when people turn away their heads, they are doing it just to give you privacy, or to silently hope that one day they achieve what you have done.
p.s. I found our jabberwocky video (not for dance, for AP English) while going through boxes, and it made me smile.
I for one can't get enough of your hoochy koochy. keep it up!
You people are ridiculous! Obviously there is more than one form of non-verbal communication going on here: that of all the people turning away whenever PDAs are present. Yes, it IS a message that people don't care for it; and if they're too well-mannered to come out and say it here (which I, clearly, am not), then heed the non-verbal messages they ARE sending!
Hey now. Listen. No one is ridiculous. :) Remember that the people who read and comment on this blog are my family and friends so be measured in your responses one to another.
I suppose I brought this upon myself by writing this blog in the first place, and by being in a slightly bad mood when i did so. I guess the lesson I'm learning is that I need to stop caring what other people think when it doesn't matter. And I need to stop and reflect before I say or publish anything in anger. Thank you all for your responses. This has been a learning moment for me.
Do I get a say in this? :-) I have loved every facet of our physical relationship since Disneyland. I've been in positions where this hasn't been the case, and let me tell you, it is miserable and will spell the end of a relationship. I think we are appropriately self-aware, unlike some other couples I know. any additional self-consciousness would bother me. Those struggling still in singledom should maybe take some pointers and realize, like Robert Plant said... "Your time is gonna come." I mean that reassuringly, not ominously.
it effort to be totally honest, i think there are levels of affection that are appropriate in public. this perception is no doubt a reflection of ME and my experiences. that said, i feel there is some affection that should be spared in public. i'm not going to go as far as to say you should act as a brother and sister in public, but i will say that PDA isn't an entitlement reserved for heterosexual couples of any age or stage. prude? platonic? private? perhaps all of these.
So sorry to read that one of my fav Thomas girls is feeling like this... I wished you lived here with us... no one would look or think negative about a couple in love and showing it...please live your love and enjoy your life... relationships get better that way too... you'll see... love from Cloudy xox
This has been an ongoing debate in my family for years. I have several siblings on both ends of the spectrum. I am on the end who does not enjoy engaging in PDs of A, however many of my siblings do. I once voiced my opinion and got shot down by many siblings, and other siblings agreed. I don't know that there is a right or wrong, I just know that there comes a point where you need to respect other's wishes and feelings on the matter. I understand this very exciting time in your life when, quite simply, you can't get enough of each other. It's that stage in a relationship, and you are more comfortable showing it in front of others. Does it make me uncomfortable? Yes. But so do a lot of other things I put up with for the sake of others. Just keep us in mind, and I'll keep you in mind, and we should be able to find a happy medium ;)
On another note, I could find myself madly in love with someone in the future and not care about letting the world know how much I love him. Perhaps it is simply because I haven't had this experience that I am uncomfortable ;)
I'm with Mary, keep up the hoochy-koochy. You and Travis are acting from a place of authenticity that is what matters. We need more love in the world, not less.
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