Yes, I'm pregnant. It is still strange to say it out loud. Pregnancy so far has been an intensely private, personal thing. Even between me and my husband. He probably doesn't understand that I think about it almost all day. Every day. How could I not? Every time my stretching abdominal muscles protest, or my sciatic nerve twinges, or I heave at the sight of a perfectly fine piece of pizza... it's just another reminder. I'm not complaining about these things. They are uncomfortable at times... but context is everything.
All of this is for Life.
Last week I went in for what is called a Nuchal Translucency Screening, which is an ultrasound done between 10-13 weeks to look for signs of heart defects or genetic disorder, and I saw my baby for the second time. Once, at 8 weeks, I saw a gray smudge with a strong heartbeat. This last time, at 12 weeks, I saw something that looked distinctly more human.
And... male! The sonographer surprised me by asking if I wanted to know the gender. I hesitated because I was alone and I thought maybe T should be there... "Can you tell this early?" I asked, incredulous. "Sometimes," she said. "Yes," I said. "Yes, I want to know." I felt we were having a girl. I was so sure we were having a girl.
But there was our boy. You can't see, but I'm smiling as I type this.
I felt melancholy a little while later as I thought about the girl I was sure was there. I felt the idea of her slip away, and it was oddly sad. But as I thought about the boy, as I let the consciousness of a HIM sink in, I began to want him as much as I had wanted her.
Now for the vital stats:
Gestation: 13 weeks
Gender: Male (80% certainty)
Weight gain: maybe 1 lb. (I'm actually trying not to weigh myself too much, so I'll only update this when I am weighed at the doctor's office.)
Maternity clothes: No, but I can wear all of my pants without a belt now.
Food aversions: Chicken. Meat in general. (It's a texture thing.) Peanut butter crackers. Sometimes cheese.
"Cravings": Peaches, yogurt. Pasta, ramen noodles. Sushi (always)
Milestones: Beginning of 2nd trimester. Chance of miscarriage drops dramatically.
Symptoms: Lots of gagging. Lots and lots of gagging. Occasional, mild back pain. And intense hunger. It sneaks up on me and then I feel gross. I have to catch it at the right time or it is hard to eat.