Saturday, November 29, 2008

Somebody More Like You

i stole this from Marissa's blog. (I hope she is flattered.) I'm tired of the complaints that I never write anything. The truth of the matter is that I have nothing interesting to write about these days.

So...I decided to write something interesting about nothing. Here goes...

1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1. If somebody says, "Is this okay?" you say:
"Your Hands are Cold" (An indirect way of saying, "I choose not to answer that question.")

2. How would you describe yourself?
"Eden" (a.k.a "Pearadise." I like this.)

3. What do you like in a girl/guy?
"Amor e assim" (How romantic! The Portuguese is a nice touch.)

4. How do you feel today?
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" (almost fell out of my chair when this came up. scarily accurate.)

5. What is your life's purpose?
"Grieg: Last Spring op. 34 No 2 from Two Elegiac Melodies" (By George! Somebody get me an orchestra. Quick!)

6. What is your motto?
"The Model" (Truly, truly inspiring. The model!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
"Mambo" (Sweet. I dig it.)

8. What do you think of your parents?
"Cath..." (As in... cathhhh...eter? Thanks for that one, Death Cab. You're fired. My parents aren't that old.)

9. What do you think about very often?
"The Very Thought of You" (Weird coincidence.)

10. What is 2+2?
"Philosophy" (iTunes attempt at sarcasm?)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
"Unforgettable" (Totally, totally true.)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
"Peer Pressure" (This made me chuckle. doesn't make sense.)

13. What is your life story?
"Am I Missing" (Seriously. Am I missing something?)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Hope" (Shanelle: i'm gonna be a dentist! Mike: I'm gonna be a doctor! Daniel: i'm gonna be a mad scientist/physicist! Pear, intrepidly: I'm gonna be hope!)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Seven Years" (Geez. That's bleak.)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" (Chocolate milk is a definite possibility.)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
"Unsaid" (appropriate.)

18. What is your hobby/interest?
"Closing" (Whatie?? Gosh guys! I just LUV to close, don't you?!)

19. What is your biggest fear?
"Aberdeen." (That freaky old city in Scotland. Say the word and I shudder.)

20. What is your biggest secret?
"He Woke Me Up Again" (oh...i don't even know what to say about this.)

21. What do you think of your friends?
"Changes" ("turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes!")

22. What song would you play during your first kiss?
"New Year's Day" (New years eve would be more appropriate.)

23. What will you post this as?
"Somebody More Like You" (bo-o-oring. Thanks for the buggy-ride, iTunes.)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

My Throat

Today, i tried to swallow my vitamin pill, and I almost threw up. I found this very odd since on any normal day i can swallow a horse whole without blinking. But here I was--with my vitamin pill even cut in half for convenience--choking and wrenching that sucker down my inflamed esophagus. It was miserable. I think my glands must be really swollen, and my voice keeps trying to skip town. Oh! And my nose finally decided to make an appearance at this little virus party. It started running at approximately 9:30 pm last night and hasn't stopped yet.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Oh, hello, I just remembered what i REALLY wanted to write about! But now it's too late and i'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Getting Lost

It is 11:19. i've decided I should stop wasting time watching stupid things on YouTube, like "the funniest cat video you've ever seen!" (which is pretty darn funny) and start doing something more useful, like...blogging. Crap, i forgot what I was going to write about. Ho hum. Well...i'll just write about stuff. Pressure from school has let off a little bit. In the meantime I've contracted a disease that is disturbing my sleep and making my throat rather itchy. In the meantime, I have still not gone on a date. In the meantime, I've decided not to think about it anymore because it's something I can't do anything about except just be a kind, good person--which I'm trying to be. I'm trying not to worry that something is wrong with me. My new resolution to combat these feelings of inadequacy consists of this: i've stopped thinking about how I am going to be served in any given situation, and started thinking about how I can serve. It seems sort of counterintuitive from the world's perspective, but it makes all the sense in the world from a gospel point of view. Christ said for us to lose ourselves in the service of others and how that is the key to finding joy. It's pretty hard to worry about how ridiculous you feel when you're not thinking about yourself at all. In fact, it's the best and healthiest kind of escape, i've decided.

I've already tried taking refuge in lots of things: movies, books, music... You know what i've found in these escapes? I've found myself envying the lives of people who don't even exist; i've found myself locked away from the real world while I live vicariously through the figments of other people's imaginations; and I have a whole stack of cd's that I cannot even bear to listen to anymore. Some escape....

No, I've found a better way to escape. i'm trying to be a better listener. I'm trying not to lose my temper. i'm trying to be more patient with other's quirks and foibles. I'm trying to be more generous with my time and my resources. i'm trying--sometimes i fail--but at least i'm trying, and in the meantime I'm escaping a rather huge insecurity of mine. It's always lurking like a shadow in the back of my mind, trying to sneak up on me during an idle moment. It's always waiting for just the right time to let me know how much of a failure i am... But then, i just push that thought aside and keep doing my thing, and I forget about it. i'm hoping that if I ignore it enough, it will go away altogether, eventually.

So why am i writing about this? So I can remember and not have to keep relearning this. so it will be ingrained in my soul and i can stop feeling sorry for myself. today, i was sitting in my little cubicle-room on the fourth floor in the library, working on the interviews I'm transcribing, and the shadow in the back of my brain loomed over me again and started picking at me. Dani hadn't come yet, and I was alone. It's easy to feel sorry for oneself when one is alone. After a moment, I recognized what i was feeling and began thinking aloud in Portuguese. I started talking about what I was feeling, why i thought i was feeling it, and what i was going to do stop feeling it. And then the magic happened; it went away. i'd deconstructed the shadowy feeling, and it went away.

I guess I prayed so much in Portuguese for a year and a half that somehow I feel like it's more potent for me.

yeah, this was better than Facebook.