I know I have been delinquent in my blogging, but I have not felt moved to write about anything until now. It seems that a diatribal spirit has entered my body and proven to be the only emotion strong enough to incite me to write. EXPLODE, rather.
I have been back from my mission for six months now. Let's see, I can count on one invisible hand how many dates I have been on during that time period. Do you catch my drift? I concede that for four of those months, I was living at home and going to the old, fuddy duddy ward. But I have since moved out--at no small expense to me in this time of economic distress--and I have bent over backwards through flaming hoops to make myself social; I have performed feats of emotional perseverance trying to be nice to people that don't initially interest me, giving them the benefit of the doubt--because, really, I DO tend to misjudge people; I got to FHE; I do demeaning things--like scavenger hunts--in the name of making my presence known; I try to just be a nice person! But has it availed me anything in the romantic scheme of things? Have I seen one proverbial red cent for all my pains? Ha! In fact, during the course of my socializing, I the one thing I HAVE come to discover is that maybe my impressions of people arent that wrong after all. Most of them are phlegmatic or close-minded or ignorantly republican (I don't have anything against republicans, just ignorance) or what have you. I find myself slipping into my old aloof cynicism about dating.
The short and tall of it is this: I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. I don't need to be defined by success on the social scene. What a stupid measure of success anyway. I don't care anymore.
yes, I am angry while i'm writing this. don't take it too seriously. But basically this has been what I've been feeling for the past month. Are young single adult men REALLY as obtuse in other parts of the country as they are here?
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6 comments:
You may find it interesting to consider that maybe boys are dealing with insecurity, trying to make themselves known as well, and dealing with the exact same issues you describe. And yes, people do reach a point where they stop caring, guys included. Or rather, they don't stop caring--they just don't have the energy to go on pretending. It can be painful, it can be exhausting, it can even send a person into a whirling cycle of depression. Whatever the reason, guys can be just as frustrated about the dating scene as girls.
You have a good point, Daniel. And as I've sat and thought about this and talked with my roommate, I have discovered the real root of my discontent. I have been venting my frustration and anger at one person in particular toward the entire male race. So this is, in effect, my erratum to the above entry. I'm really not mad at every male in provo; I'm just still I guess suffering the effects of a very bewildering and disappointing summer.
yeah, i don't care that much about being seen, so i'm not going to bend over backwards doing it. i'll do what's important to support the ward and members in their callings and overcome my judgmentalness, but still it's hard not to become disillusioned anyway. this is a lame comment made on an empty stomach.
Dear Frustrated Dating,
Rant! Rave! Get it out! Of course there is cause to be frustrated. However, don't be disillusioned in that the frustration is only a product of non-dating. As Josh pointed out, it may percievably get worse once you start dating because then you have to deal with the putzes you are dating. Here's a lame analogy: like working out at a gym - sometimes it is enjoyable, sometimes we go and do because we understand there will be some recompense in the end, however, you can't stop going to the gym if you want to have the fit body in the end.
So keep up the hard work Pear! In my SSU group of girl friends we had a motto: Guys are stupid, boys are jerks, men are evil - by which we continued to date and hate. Nevertheless, when the cosmos align and the Titans are released, dating will have been a means to the end,and the best end you could guess of - eternity without having to date ever again!
Cordially yours,
Past that point
If I weren't married, and you weren't my sister, I'd totally go out with you.
Hey Pear. This is Derrick, and yes, I read your blog.
This is probably going to come off as cheesy advice, since I'm not as gifted in random emotional eloquence as yourself.
First, I never pegged you as the ignorant republican type :). You are attractive and smart, and to some guys (and at times to pretty much any guy) you can be very intimidating. I don't really know the circumstances around this fellow, but you are the sort of girl who may have a specific target market (ie guys who like poetry and aren't afraid of a girl who writes it better than them). Everybody is going to go through a barrel of Carp before they find their Salmon. Though I don't really see how a Scavenger Hunt is so much different from Murder in the Dark. Maybe it depends on the crowd.
Second, my wife and I both came to the realization separately (and before we met) of the importance of giving and receiving social feedback. Getting dates is all about learning how to make a person feel like you are especially interested in them, as well as paying attention to their reactions towards you, from the first encounter. I'm not talking about too weird and flirty sort of things, more like who you choose to sit by and strike up conversations with, how quickly you return their phone call, or how often you write on their facebook wall or send them a random text message. Asking them questions that show you are interested in them as a person, or at least interested in the same things as they are. As feedback, its the sort of thing where you step up your level and then wait for their response, and if it is positive you step up your level again. Also you have to pay attention to who is showing social interest in you. There was a time at BR when I would have considered asking you out, except that I couldn't tell if you were interested at all back, as well as there was a feeling in the shop that your interests were directed at a particular guy.
A certain type of guy out there will find you to be the perfect fit. Not all of Provo is what you describe, and there are a lot of people who don't exactly fit the perceived mold, but conform to it for now so that they can fit in better.
There are many fish in the Provo Sea (Yah its a cliche way to end, but it fits with my carp barrel analogy from earlier)
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