Workout Diary: Day 30

I've been going to the gym three times a week for almost exactly a month now, and it's time for a progress report. I don't hate cardio anymore (tho I do hate running, and probably always will). I can curl thirty pounds (up from 25) without any help from Travis. Every part of me is getting stronger, harder. I'm pretty much the only one who can see it yet, but I can definitely feel it.

My appetite, not just for food in general but for HEALTHY food, has increased markedly. Today, I actually made myself a sandwich. When was the last time I did that? Probably a year ago. But today, I made myself a sandwich on healthy bread with healthy ingredients, plenty of avocado, and I scarfed that sucker. Yes, I did. And I didn't even workout today! Have I gained any weight? ...Not exactly. But I definitely haven't lost any, which is what I was afraid of in the first place.

I love resistance training. I never thought I would find a form of exercise that I so look forward to doing, even on my days off--like today, where I am still so tired I actually had to take a nap. (horrors.) I'm excited to move to a place that is warm even during the winter months. I think this will help me stay motivated to keep going.

I love the idea that I--little, "fragile" me--can be strong. Can be toned. Can have this lovely, muscular body. Skinny doesn't cut it for me. I find "skinny" totally unsatisfying. It's not enough. Do I want to be slender? Well, yes. But more important to me is to look, and feel, strong. This (mostly) isn't for vanity's sake. It's because--as I mentioned--I hit bottom and the only way to go was up. Well, I'm at that euphoric stage of Up where my progress is made in leaps and bounds. Yes, I know I will plateau at some point. Though, seriously, I don't think that or Hell or high water, or really anything could stop me now. World, look out!

From East of Eden...

...So I don't forget, because this book was thick and contained a lot of truth. This was one of the truthier bits, I thought.

"In uncertainty I am certain that underneath their topmost layers of frailty men want to be good and want to be loved. Indeed, most of their vices are attempted short cuts to love. When a man comes to die, no matter what his talents and influence and genius, if he dies unloved his life must be a failure to him and his dying a cold horror. It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world.

We have only one story. All novels, all poetry, are built on the neverending contest in ourselves of good and evil. And it occurs to me that evil must constantly respawn, while good, while virtue, is immortal. Vice has always a new fresh young face, while virtue is venerable as nothing else in this world."


Timshel.

"Thou mayest."

You have a choice.


--John Steinbeck