Monday, July 28, 2008
Untitled, Unmotivated.
I have lost my motivation to keep this blogging up. Why? I ask myself. I love to write. But that's just it: I am expending all my writing energy on other things. This last week, I spent time writing very long, boring, introspective journal entries on my computer. Sometimes I wish I could share these things, but I really can't. No, that's silly. I could if I wanted to, but I think it would make me feel sort of vulnerable and exposed. Plus, I always want to tell a good story, but a good story requires there to be some sort of conflict and resolution, and I just don't feel like life has very much conflict right now--or resolution for that matter. I feel like I just got off a train I'd been riding for a long time, and am waiting at the station for the next train to jump on. But in the meantime, it seems like everyone else I know is already on a train. What a dumb metaphor. But my point is, my life is so inbetween right now, I don't feel the urge to record it. I want to tell a good story...but maybe I should stop trying so hard. Maybe, like in many other aspects of my life, I should just stop trying so hard.
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1 comment:
Curtis was just saying that being right off your mission is a vulnerable transition time. And then we were talking about how almost every time in life seems like transition of some kind or another. Only some transitions don't feel very eventful...but maybe there is way more we can do at these times than we realize. We can ask, what can I do with this time to prepare for the future. I've often been surprised at the direct concrete ideas that have come into my mind in response to this inquiry.
Sorry, this comment is going nowhere fast.
I just want to say to keep writing about life either in public or private. People will judge perhaps less than you think and rather take comfort and courage and a smile or two from what you choose to share. It can feel like a huge burden trying to decide what to disclose, but once you figure that out, it's all good. Of course, if you don't want to disclose much, then don't bother with the blog.
But I like hearing from you, P. I love you so much and wouldn't want to miss any chance to connect.
Love,
Mand
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