(This is a picture of Walden Pond that I found online. It's one of my favorite places ever and this is just about what it looked like the first time I saw it. I am also now a firm believer in including some sort of audio or visual something or other in all of my posts, but since I can't find my camera cord, I'll have to make do with other people's pictures. Anyway...)Perhaps I avoid classics because as a student I was compelled—nay, commanded—to read things like Ulysses and Moll Flanders and The Canterbury Tales in middle English; The truth is I am a true escapist at heart and do not immediately gravitate towards really hard subjects.
Hmm. The problem with being an escapist is that the escape is always temporary, and the thrill momentary. When the chapter or book (or movie) is over, I am forced to open my eyes to my own life again. I should clarify that my life isn’t by any means bad. It’s just that sometimes I feel like it’s a little…colorless. My real life doesn’t follow the rules of narrative. There is not always tension to make things interesting. And when there is tension, it isn’t interesting; it’s just tense and crappy. Every once in a very infrequent while, my life presents me with something so beautiful and romantic it takes my breath away. Usually, it doesn’t.
These days especially, I find myself wishing my life would follow the same kind of trajectory that good narrative does. (Having just taken a fiction composition class, I am very much aware of story and how it works.) I wish I could say that something really interesting is definitely in store—a promise that all compelling literature makes. I think it would be cool, for example, if my life had a soundtrack that other people could hear. But mostly, I just wish I knew where all of this waiting and wishing and mindless toiling was headed. I wish I could take a step back from my life and read it like a book, knowing all along that all the loose ends will be tied up in the most satisfactory way possible. Or at least in the most interesting way possible.
2 comments:
OH, just you wait Pear, great things are in store for you. It will read like a book. The problem with books and diaries is that everything is fast forwards--they skip all the boring day in and day out where nothing happens--to the really good parts, the meat. But without all the boring parts, the long hours of thoughts and longings, the climax can't build and happen. That's the great part of real life--the waiting the wondering, the living not knowing what is next--it's so uncertain and full of possibilities.
At least that's what I tell myself at night when I wonder all those things--what? when? where? how?
It's a great mystery and has the potential to be even better than we dream.
And I dream big--especially for you! So look out Pear and grab all that life has to give you--even the little stuff. It might just lead somewhere great.
WAtched YesMan? It's my new favorite movie and totally true.
Love you!
i think one reason i'm so obsessed with music is because of the way it does forms my life soundtrack. i guess i do use it for emotional manipulation at times (which i need when i happen upon the doldrums). but i also notice my music as the soundtrack for the world around me. while driving in the car i like to imagine that the music i hear is the music everyone is moving to and listening to--their musical narrative as well. i think recently i've started to see my life in more of this narrative sense in general, more like i am in a novel.
i think something that adds color to life is looking at daily happenings from a narrative, storytelling point of view. reading a lot seems to prompt me to do this more. also, part of doing this is writing. which you are doing and which you said you'd like to do more of. living in a bigger city than provo where you might live more of a pedestrian lifestyle lends itself to this a little better. when we walk we notice, and often our imaginations are inspired. i think this is also a reason why i walk a lot. and you can walk and notice interesting things even if you're not in boston or sao paolo or beijing.
walking and writing. living and writing. writing. writing. or creating something inspired by what we notice of the world and people around us. when you make a point of noticing, the color is almost blinding.
as for your life and what's next, i think the beginning of the more colorful and diverse experiences of my life began after graduating. so get ready......and always have something to write with. i mean it.
love,
b
fyi: the word verification is "matisms". ???
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