It's unfair.
It's unfair to be so happy.
It's unfair to be so much happier than some of the people I love the most.
This is what I feel today. This is the thought that keeps pulsating through my mind. Why? Why have I been given so much and others have not? Why have I been so blessed? I have done nothing, NOTHING!, to deserve it; I am still an "unprofitable servant"as the scriptures say. And yet... why have so many blessings been entrusted to me at this time?
More importantly...what am I supposed to do with it? The happiness, the blessedness? So often I feel the need to hide it, to dampen it somehow in order to shield others. I wish to avoid all appearance of gloating. My happiness is not a badge of honor I wear on my sleeve. But, still, the fact is...I have so much. How do I share it? propagate it? Radiate it?
Why? Why is it so hard? I have been through my fair share of hard. I have been raked across the coals of shattered hopes. But somehow, my hard no longer seems to mean too much to me. I remember the lessons I learned from the Hard, but the "hardness" of it all has faded, and I am light--LIGHT!--with promise!
But today I feel heavy. Not for myself. Heavy with the sense of life's unexplained injustices and hardnesses and heartaches. I feel...I feel like I want to cry someone else's tears, and know--if only for a moment--what it is like to bear their burden, if for nothing else than to be able to honestly say, "I know how you feel."
How can I feel such joy when there is trouble all about me?
5 comments:
Pear, your thoughts brought the words of two songs to my mind: "How Can I Keep From Singing?" and "Trouble Me." And though neither of them reflect your sentiments exactly, they both capture a bit of your feeling.
---
How Can I Keep From Singing
by Pauline T.
My life flows on in endless song:
Above earth's lamentation,
I catch the sweet, tho' far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul--
How can I keep from singing?
What tho' my joys and comfort die?
The Lord my Saviour liveth;
What tho' the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?
I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it.
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his-
How can I keep from singing?
Trouble Me
by Natalie Merchant
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.
Speak to me, don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling;
there's no telling where it starts or how it ends.
Speak to me, why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me when your silence is my greatest fear?
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me.
Let me have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning.
Please don't hide them just because of tears.
Let me send you off to sleep with a "There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.
Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling.
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm.
Lastly, let me know what I can mend.
There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see.
Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me.
Pear, I think the point is that you can be happy when there is trouble around you.
Happiness is contagious, don't dampen it. Use yours to lift those who need it. Share some of the pain it you can, but if you can't sympathize, and share joy.
Glad you are happy. Life is such a wonder!
i feel like i contributed to some of this. thanks for being sensitive. be happy, pear. life is hard enough that you shouldn't keep back any joy in your life due to the woes of others. hope to see you again soon.
"men are that they might have joy." you have found the way the Lord wishes us to live. Study your life right now, enjoy it, and learn how to replicate it when the tough times come again. That is really what we are all learning. We have the seasons of joy so that we can remember when it is time to grow through trials. And do, share share the happiness!! We all feel better just knowing that there is a happy though somewhere out there.
the happiest part of this post is all the love that has poured in around you (responses) assuring you that your joy is worth feeling and loving. I do know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. There is a good amount of guilt mixed with joy when you know others are in need of what you have and yet you have it and they don't. This said, they will have it. it will come. Joy comes to us all, as surely as sorrow visits us all. So while the joy lasts, bask in the warmth and peace and beauty. I love you. You and your life is giving me more joy than I dreamed for you. You're filling many of our lives with joy. So keep it up.
Post a Comment