Serious post ahead.
I wasn’t going to write about this.
I work in a public library where our patrons are very
ethnically and racially diverse. It’s actually kind of awesome, living in a
society that seems so homogeneous in race, religion, culture, etc, to meet and
talk to so many different kinds of people.
But I have had at least two or three experiences in the last
two years that have left a really bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll share with you
the most recent:
Kid comes up to the desk. (He’s white. Not that it matters.)
He needs to do some homework and wants to get set up on the research computers
behind the desk. I type in his info and turn around to see which computers are
available. They are both occupied.
“I’m sorry,” I say, “It seems that they are both occ—“
“Right here!” calls the guy at one of the computers. “He’s
with me.”
“Oh, okay! Let’s get you set up.”
I walk over and as I’m typing in the password, the guy
already sitting there says, “Is it because I’m not white?” (He wasn’t white.
Not that it matters.)
“I’m sorry?” I say, not because I didn’t hear him the first
time, but because I literally have NO idea why the color of his skin has
anything to do with anything that’s going on. My hackles are already going up,
though. The only thing I can think of is that he thinks I’m surprised that he, a
non-white individual (whatever that means), is here at the library with a white
kid? So what? Stranger things have happened.
“Is it because I’m not white?” He repeats clearly.
Clamping down on my rising anger, I respond, “No…I just
thought this computer was already in use.” Not trusting myself to say anything
else, I walk away. Livid.
Several times, I almost turned around and asked him why he
would jump to that conclusion about me. Why? WHY.
What is it about me that leads certain people to
automatically assume that I am racist? I’m trying not to be defensive here
because, you know, nothing screams “You are what you say you aren’t!” like
being defensive. But the fact is, I find the assumption that I am racist—presumably
because I’m “white”—among the most offensive things anyone could say to me.
I’ve cooled down about the whole thing now, and I’m glad I
didn’t confront the guy. What would it have proven? I only wish I could have
been more warm towards him later. But, understandably, I could not. I have a
hot temper and react really poorly to being misjudged. Sigh. Things to work on…
Have any of you ever found
yourselves in a situation like this? How did/would you handle it? How can you
keep cool in the moment and be kind to the very people who would make you a
monster?
5 comments:
I've noticed at least one black friend think something racist was going on because they were being treated poorly. When they related to me the things that happened, it didn't seem obviously racist to me at all.
Then there's the famous Morgan Freeman rant about how anybody who thinks Obama should be out of office is automatically racist.
The idea that all mistakes/wrongdoings have a basis in racial differences seems like it's becoming more prevalent, and that the race card is being thrown out there more often. And yes, it's starting to irk me too. This automatic assumption throws out logical reasoning, and in fact stagnates progression, rather than leading to a greater understanding between all people.
So no, I don't think it's just you that this is happening to.
I think its more common when one of the two people in a conversation is racist, they are just looking for an opportunity to real their already decided upon opinion. And I don't think your racist. Hey I do pedicures and I'm not Asian, big deal, stranger things are out there, no worries.
My thoughts about this are
One: Racism isn't what it used to be.
Two: Everyone is a racist, even if they are quiet about it. It doesn't matter what race they are.
i agree with the other comments. people are quick to play the victim role and unfortunately it comes in all shapes and settings.
i think you were good to reply and remove yourself from the situation. i have a quick yet quiet temper as well and i've learned that there is no benefit to vocalizing that.
i have reverse discrimination here in philly a LOT. stating this probably makes me racist, i realize that. anyhow, usually i take the bullet and get out of the way before things really turn sour. i had an elderly woman ask me if i knew how to spell respect at the ATM machine once and that was just the start of her rant! so my recommendations are to quickly apologize for whatever it is the other person thinks you did and then move on. call it a scape-goat if you will, but it works.
You handled the situation perfectly. The only other solution is humor, which rarely turns our right except in the movies, yet it would be really satisfying sometimes to just respond 'What?! I wouldn't know, I'm color blind" or other variations of slap-in-the-face- sarcasm. Bottom line, everyone is different, it just a matter of how close that different is to Christ or not (and I am not assuming He was perfect because He was hebrew).
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